Valentine’s Day is fast upon us. It is a boon to retailers, the card companies, florists and candymakers, as lovers demonstrate their love for each other on this particular day. But for the throngs of unattached people, it can be a difficult day. Watching television can become a painful exercise in ignoring all the commercials for flowers, gifts, and jewelry. Photographs, billboards and ads abound, with pictures of happy couples gleefully in love.
But what if you are not in love?
What about everyone who does not have a gleeful relationship, or a demonstrative partner, or a relationship at all?
The commercialization of holidays contributes to a significant rise in experiences of depression and anxiety for both men and women. I suspect it is even more pronounced for women ( but being a woman myself, and vulnerable to these feelings, I may be biased about that.) In either case, I know that Valentine’s Day can be a very difficult day for many.
So I want you to know that you are not alone.
It is very normal to feel left out, when the media and advertising would have us believe that everyone in the world is in a loving, happy relationship, and will be giving and/or receiving some wonderful gift.
Feeling left out is not pleasant, no matter what the trigger for it is. Feeling unloved generally feels awful. Worse yet, all the hype can leave you feeling unlovable if your life doesn’t look like the pictures and ads.
Please remember: this is the height of commercialism, the basis of our economy. It is absolutely NOT about you being unlovable in any way.
Each and every person is intrinsically lovable. Finding a loving, respectful, genuine partner in today’s complex world is another matter completely.
So for Valentine’s Day, love yourself well. Make plans with a friend to do something that you love. Treat yourself to a spa day, a manicure, a new haircut. Go for a walk in nature ( if you live in a climate zone that cooperates .) Go see a movie that engages you ( about something other than an Hollywood-idealized relationship.) How about making a great meal for a group of friends, and let everyone participate by bringing something to share?
Think outside the box, and let the love in that is in your life. Consider spending time with family, friends, even colleagues. Ask around: I’ll bet in a short time you will find plenty of people who also don’t have plans for Sunday, and would also love to be in good company, rather than be alone.
I’ve spent Valentine’s Day alone, and I know it can be rough. I don’t have any plans for this year, either. But I am going to make some, you can be sure of it.
Pre-empt the blues. Be proactive. Take some good, deep breaths, and take charge of your own happiness. Go create some fun. The most precious gift you can give yourself is to choose to have joy. Go make some!
With lots of love,
Kathryn